Christmas is a time when emotions run high and it’s more than likely that you will have some knee-jerk reactions triggered by your underlying feelings and unmet needs. In this post Laiyee Fernandez gives us some tips on how to examine our feelings and deconstruct our emotional needs to help us avoid Christmas drama.
Whenever we are triggered into intense emotional reactions, we usually react unconsciously with a knee-jerk like response. We get angry, resentful, cynical, dissatisfied, disgusted, upset or embarrassed. We criticise, blame, judge, invalidate and feel guilty.
Underneath and inside these feelings are SOFT emotions. These can be hurt, loss, loneliness, sadness, abandonment, rejection, hopelessness, shame, worthlessness and feelings of being inadequate. At times, we can all touch a level of insecurity that gets triggered whenever we do not feel as though our needs are being met. And at times, these feelings generate humility, which at times, can be a positive return to loosen the grip of the ego, and make choices to live life with increased integrity.
What is most important is to recognise the triggers and minimise the unhealthy responses, that generate hard feelings. Mindfulness allows us to notice and witness what is happening in our mind and body, so that we can override our conditioning. We learn to notice what happens when we get triggered and choose a wise, new approach, by understanding the soft feelings and the unmet needs. We can then work out what the need is and meet it head on, to create healing, emotional intelligence and greater wholeness and happiness.
The main human needs in life are:
- To feel Safe
- To feel Loved
- To be Seen
- To be Heard and Understood
- To be Validated
- To feel Connected
- To feel Special
Take a moment to think deeply about how you feel in these areas. Go through each one and ask yourself, do I feel safe? Do I feel loved? Close your eyes and think and feel into it. Notice what comes up. Go through each need and evaluate your response. Whenever you find yourself getting triggered or feeling not quite right, think about these needs and which of them needs more attention.
This week, let us be mindful of what we really need. Pay close attention to when you have an emotional reaction to something and make an intention to examine which need is not being met. From the words of Socrates, an “unexamined life is not worth living”.
Did this post help you? Let us know in the comments