When you find yourself in turmoil, lost in confusion, hurting with the pain of something that has happened, unable to function normally, what do you do?
This is what happens when most of my clients call to see me. Together we work through what has happened to find understanding, clarity and a way to move forward. We shine a light into a dark cave, where the unconscious has succumbed to habitual programming and conditioning. Rather than think about how to act, we naturally fall into a way of being that has been ingrained over the many years we have been alive.
When we stop being unconscious and we choose to acknowledge and understand what we do and why we do it, we learn to understand what others do, and why they do the things they do. We respond consciously, act with integrity, trust, belief, self-respect, assertiveness and courage; we can alleviate confusion, in order to gain true freedom and liberation.
We work through issues such as self-doubt, grief and loss, fear, relationship confusion, addictive habits that compromise quality of life and create health issues, loss of meaning and purpose. If we can understand the patterns we get locked into, when we can see why we do what we do and make choices that are not beneficial, we can then function with intelligence, wisdom and compassion. We have the awareness to not keep walking down the same street and falling into the same hole, time and time again. We can create long lasting change, with the new awareness and new tools to walk down a new street, filled with new experiences, new people and a new way of being; that is free from the chains of the past.
When we feel as though we have suffered at the hands of negative actions from others in our life, we learn to understand them at a deeper level, so that we can function from a larger perspective without getting triggered or caught up obsessing and ruminating over what has happened to the point of no return.
When my clients have reached this point, they have gained new skills and tools that they can take into their world to think and act differently. Instead of condemnation, judgment and criticism when something isn’t perfect or as it was expected to be, there can be understanding, compassion and forgiveness. Responsibility comes in knowing that all people act from conditioning, and therefore nothing is truly a personal attack. We all get triggered from things that have happened in the past. With understanding, effort and wisdom we can choose to respond from a different place and live the life we truly want and be the person we truly aspire to be.
When the work is undertaken and applied, I am thrilled that there is a new level of functioning and a new set of skills and tools that can be applied with new strength, capability, respect, self awareness and faith in oneself. Our work is done and change has truly been implemented. We all have different time frames for this to happen. We will still get triggered from time to time, but the way we choose to deal with the hurt and pain will be different.
The difficult experience has now created a transformation of self. When we have learned from what happened, understood ourselves, and others at a deeper level; we have found meaning in the gift of the suffering. It is only when the pain has been great enough, that we have gone seeking and questing to understand the experience in order to gain the greatest gifts of all, insight, self-awareness, understanding, acceptance and wisdom.
This week let us be mindful of the profound gift of suffering, when we choose to embrace it, understand it and transform it. Let us intend to cease running, escaping into bad habits and distractions, so that we can delve deeply into who we truly are and how we truly wish our life to be.
Ram Dass, “When you transcend your mind, you still use your mind, but it’s a servant, not your master. Meditation means to be constantly extricating yourself from the clinging of mind.”