Whilst out with a friend one day, she was telling me how the men she met were just never good enough for her.
We giggled as we reflected about her love dramas over the years and how many times she had broken some man’s heart.
I asked my friend ‘Have you ever thought that the men you had relationships with were decent men, but they were never given a chance because you were so critical of them?’
My friend pondered for a while and said she would get back to me with her answer because she had to go away and really think about it.
Fantasy Versus Reality
Like my friend, there are a lot of women out there who have a long list of what their ideal partner should look like or even what they do for a living!
They have this image in their mind and they just cannot seem to let it go, even when friends or family might suggest that someone is good for them and is suited to them they are ignored.
This is often because their ideas about love and relationships are fantasy based. The truth is nobody is perfect and the expectations that some women place on men are way too high.
For a lot of women out there, the thought of possibly dating a guy who is bald, overweight or earns less than them or simply doesn’t fit with their ‘idea’ of the image of a perfect relationship is a complete waste of time.
The power of past memories of the Perfectionist
If someone has set it in stone that they need to meet a man with certain criteria, then I know Perfectionist personality is at play. The perfectionist is the inner protector that assumes if all the boxes aren’t ticked then they have failed at being successful in finding love. Hence, why they will find any little niggly irritation about a man they like and use it against them.
Perfectionists like to look good and don’t like to be criticised, so therefore they don’t want to be seen with a sub-standard man. If their history of what love looks like is to have a perfect relationship they will constantly be searching for the ‘perfect man!’
The net effect is that a sustainable, loving, respectful relationship just won’t cut it for a Perfectionist. Sadly, they will end up never being satisfied or happy within a relationship and ultimately may just give in trying to find love and give it up completely!
The Perfectionist Accepting Imperfect as Perfect!
For a woman to find somebody who will be truly good for them, it is important that they understand that nobody is ever perfect including themselves.
The best way to do this is to observe relationships that you admire for their emotional qualities. Make notes on how many people respect these couples for non-aesthetic reasons such as integrity, loyalty, faithfulness etc.
Hang out with these people, be it friends or family and start to become aware of how they deal with their imperfections and how they work through them. Understand that their vulnerabilities are what makes people attractive and ‘whole’ rather than imperfect. Notice, how they communicate to each other without criticism.
The more you spend time with people who are in an unconditional loving relationship, the more your mind will become familiar with this. Rather than rejecting, you too can start to become flexible and adaptable. The mind is very good at this.
It does take practice, but it will be well worth it because perfecting logic and acceptance that people are never perfect will offer you a world of men out there who are perfectly good for you!
Cracking the Love Code
Promotion for Balance members
Georgia is offering a special 25% reduction on her “Cracking the Love Code” program for readers of Balance.Imagine how good it will feel to find Mr Right instead of Mr Wrong!
SIGN UP FOR CRACKING THE LOVE CODE HERE