Have you ever stopped to acknowledge the amount of criticism you give yourself on a daily basis? If you were as unkind to your dog as you are to you, chances are your dog would leave you! Perhaps something different is possible?
We have been entrained to judge ourselves from the time we were kids, we are taught that judging us is somehow going to make us better.
Stop and ask yourself, “Does judging really make me better or is it destroying the way I feel about me?”
Your confidence will naturally expand when you become more committed to having your own back – and here are 4 steps to help you on your way to feel more confident.
JUST STOP IT!
Judgment never contributes, it always destroys.
You don’t have to keep perpetrating it on yourself. Next time you hear that negative voice, put up the big red stop sign. Just stop it. Don’t go there. Take a deep breath. And another, and now… how about trying something different, like being grateful for you instead?
HAVE AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE – FOR YOU!
The great thing about gratitude is it cannot co-exist with judgment. They don’t go together. So a great way to get more confident is to start to develop an attitude of gratitude for you in your own life.
Keep a notebook, and every day write down 3 things you are grateful for, and turn it into an encyclopaedia one day! The more gratitude you have in your life, the more the judgment and self-criticism goes away.
What can you be grateful for about you right now? What is great about your life that you have not acknowledged because you have been too busy being critical?
ASK MORE QUESTIONS
Start asking questions about you and your life to keep your confidence growing.
Questions always open that door to go beyond judgment, so when you find yourself judging you, a great question to ask is ”‘what ‘s right about me that I am not getting?”
It will start to put your attention in an expansive direction rather than focusing on the wrongness you were getting lost in.
Two other great questions to start asking all the time are: “What else is possible here?” and “How does it get any better than this?” Ask this when the good stuff and the bad stuff show up, it can always get better!
Most people will tend to go “oh it doesn’t get any better than this,” and it’s your point of view that creates your reality, so if you decide it can’t get better, you don’t open the door for the universe to come in and contribute. If you ask a question, you open that door and the universe gets to show you how things get better, greater and more fun for you! But you have to ask.
GIVE UP GOALS, AND CREATE SOMETHING GREATER
The original meaning of goal was “gaol”, as in jail. If you tend to do self-criticism, and don’t feel successful in life, and will judge yourself and put yourself and such high standards, goals become this jail for you.
A different way of approaching it would be to spend a bit of time getting a sense of the way you would like things to be in your life. If your life could be everything you desire, and you didn’t have to control it, what it would be like? Get that energy. Now ask for that to show up – no matter what it looks like. And for everything that comes up that feels like that energy, whether it’s having a coffee with a friend, or taking that job you normally wouldn’t take, follow that direction, because that will create more of that energy in your life!
Confidence is basically a by-product of being you in the world. When you be you, you don’t judge you, you are grateful for you, you create a life you love, and you get to enjoy everything about you!
Dr Dain Heer will be in Australia for a series of workshops. A Taste of Being will be streamed live from Noosa on 27th November from 7pm – http://beingyouclass.com/