Did you grow up watching Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty? Have you spent your life searching for the fairy tale relationship, believing it must exist somewhere and feeling the disappointment of never finding it? As committed as you may be to the fantasy of fairy tales, look around: how many people do you know who live happily ever after? Probably not many because fairy tales don’t actually work and trying to live one is not actually living.
Here are 3 ways in which fairy tale myths are destructive to you and your relationship and how you can have something greater, with or without a partner:
1. Fairy Tales Disempower You
The classic tale of Prince Charming, Mr. or Mrs. Right. The story that promises that one day your prince or princess will come riding in on a white horse, rescue you and whisk you off into the sunset of happily ever after.
How small do you have to make yourself that you require someone to rescue you? How disempowering is the idea that someone else is the source of your happiness; that how your life turns out is up to another imperfect person?
Sitting around as the damsel in distress or the man who is incomplete and lonely is a total invalidation of you. You are more powerful than that. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself, start to ask questions. Ask, ‘What would be a great relationship for me? What is truly valuable to me in a partner? And, if I were creating this from scratch right now, what would I choose?’
Get clear on what would work for you, regardless of whether anyone else likes it or not, because it really is about our choice.
2. Fairy Tales Will Not Fulfill You
Have you ever chosen a Fixer-Upper as your partner? You know, that person that you meet, and they are so attractive, and they draw you in with their sob story, and you just know that with a few minor adjustments, they will be PERFECT. So, you take on the challenge, because once they become as good as you know they can be, you will have found your happily ever after.
Here’s the thing about fixer uppers, rather than putting energy into creating the life YOU desire, you put your energy into changing them. When you are with a fixer upper, you will give 150% and they will take 200% and then there’s nothing left for you.
3. Fairy Tales Stop You from Being You
If you are looking for your soul mate, your significant other, your twin flame or your other half, you are going to be disappointed. The quest to finding your other half is not only unrealistic, but it’s also damaging to yourself. If you are convinced that your Soulmate is out there and you are not finding them, you start judging you. You start looking for what’s wrong with you that keeps you from finding ‘the One.’ And when you decide that you are the problem, you stop being you. You are the most valuable product of your life and relationships and when you stop being you, things don’t work.
Instead of looking for the perfect partner, start asking questions. You can ask, ‘If I was with this person, what would my life look like?’ When you ask this question, you will start to perceive what your life would be like in this relationship. If it doesn’t match what you desire as your life, no matter how much you have decided that they are perfect for you, it won’t be your best choice.
Fairy tales often begin with, ‘Once upon a time’. Instead, if we chose to function from ‘Once upon a choice’, our relationships would work out a whole lot better. It’s the active choosing of a relationship that creates something greater, rather than a wishing that everything will work itself out perfectly.
Dain Heer is in Sydney August 3, 2018, GET TICKETS here.
Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change who, for the past 14 years, has been inviting people to embrace their true greatness. His book, Being You, Changing the World is published in nine languages. Join Dr Dain Heer in Sydney for his special evening event Being You, Beyond Problems on August 3rd from 7pm. Learn how to overcome problems with ease and move into creation and possibility. Find more information and tickets available here.