This week on Balance, we are bringing you words of wisdom from some of our amazing coaches about improving emotional fitness. We’ll be hearing from Lyndall Mitchell, Noni Boon, Dain Heer and Cynthia Morton as well as guest contributor Dr Sarah McKay. We hope that you’ll be inspired to implement the tips and strategies shared to help you reduce stress and keep the emotions in check.
So, what is EMOTIONAL FITNESS?
If we are unwilling or uneducated in how to honour our own true emotions, we will become poor at honouring others feelings too. Emotional bankruptcy occurs, and relationships crash when we allow ourselves to become emotionally lazy and unfit.
When things go wrong and life gets chaotic, remaining balanced and EMOTIONALLY FIT is a challenge.
EMOTIONAL FITNESS gifts us with the ability to remain internally calm when our lives are externally chaotic. This wisdom and emotional maturity requires practice, strength and personal discipline.
No matter what the reason for the unwanted chaos in human life, it usually brings along with it traumatic events and loss in some pivotal area. Deep grief may be the result of a divorce, death, bankruptcy, addiction, illness, violence, betrayal or a devastating loss of trust. However, the most dangerous yet prevalent form of grief is the least acknowledged. It is the invisible, silent and private chaos I address specifically within all of my written and spoken work and it is the loss of belief in our self.
As responsible adults we are all required to learn how to use the powerful written and spoken word wisely. It will make or break the quality of our lives in every area. However, learning to clearly communicate throughout all of the seasons of our life “the language of our hearts” fluently is itself an art. It takes practice and self study to master. Only the EMOTIONALLY FIT are able to move from chosen intimate vulnerability whilst sustaining robust emotional boundaries at home, work and play.
It is my hope that one day at time, with one word at a time I am helpful in assisting my readers and audiences in putting right with words whatever is currently going wrong for them within their world. This includes not just the words we say to ourselves silently and the words that come out of our mouths, but also the words we read, listen to, write, text and email.
So who says what is right and what is wrong?
I believe that only the individual can answer that question for themselves. However, too many of us forget to question ourselves and check our motives before we communicate with words. If we don’t or won’t check ourselves, life often starts to go wrong and we begin to lose a quality connection with our world and where there is loss, there is grief.
If we become more willing to practice asking and then answering ourselves healthy heartfelt questions, we begin to improve our level of EMOTIONAL FITNESS.
Am I EMOTIONALLY FIT then, you might ask?
My heartfelt answer today is yes.
In comparison to other women my age, maybe not. But in comparison to when I consciously started, questioning myself and became willing to work on my emotional dysfunction, absolutely. I am still a work in progress but each year I am a less chaotic calmer version of myself. Please understand that I am not setting myself up as the expert that has anyone else’s answers to life.
What I have learned to do quite well however, is to become better with age at asking myself important questions when things go wrong in my life. It seems that my approach also helps others too at getting EMOTIONALLY FITTER through self-questioning and deliberate self-study.
I have faced a great deal of emotional chaos in my life, as many of us do. Blaming and shaming others and ourselves just adds to the chaos. It just hurts everyone even more. What helps instead of looking outwards and asking why, to look inwards and ask ourselves why we put ourselves as adults in that situation?
EMOTIONAL FITNESS at its core is designed as de-bullshitting tool to assist anyone who notices that occasionally (or perhaps often) what they really feel and what they say at times is in opposition. This can seem like a harmless habit if it happens only occasionally within our life. However being just a little emotionally lazy (complacent) over time can become a comfortable habit. And like all habits they can start out harmless, and end up becoming bloody destructive. Bullshitting others and ourselves erodes the quality of connection and the emotional integrity we have with others and ourselves. We can over time (if we don’t intercept this habit) become emotionally unfit. Really unfit. This leads to emotional calm leaving our lives and emotional chaos replacing it.
And it all started with what seemed like at the time, just a little harmless bullshitting.
If we don’t stop from time to time for an emotional reality check our lives can very easily become emotionally out of balance with a diet of unhealthy language.
Sometimes we can also end up becoming really EMOTIONALLY unFIT, even emotionally obese. If we consistently binge on fatty, sugary, highly processed and polished sickly sweet bullshitfull words that hold no emotional nourishment or substance we will spend our life waiting (weighting) with a heavy heart.
Too many of us find our hearts voices are ignored, muffled or completely smothered, when we need clarity and to be heard. It is frustrating not being able to articulate on the page or on the stage of our lives heartfelt words that reveal our truth.
So many people live successful external lives; yet behind closed doors they remain emotional strangers to themselves and those trying to love them living in dark and silent despair. It is unfortunately very easy to become EMOTIONALLY unFIT and malnourished due to a poor emotional diet of words.
When we ignore the power of our words by not listening with an open EMOTIONALLY FIT heart to our own truth, relationships, work and life projects will falter. Too many amongst us spend every day living silently in an insane state of ego-based fear. We see it all around us. Everyday insanity. There are a lot of different kinds of crazy out there! Emotional abuse, disrespect, neglect and sugar coated bullshit have become a universal problem.
We as adults all now have a choice as to whether we use or abuse words. We can live every day silently in chaotic insanity or calmly in a state of emotionally transparent sanity.
Together may we all put right the many wrongs we have created within our orbit by detoxing our fears one word, one day at a time?
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™