What do the holidays mean? The holidays mean extra calories, extra money being spent, and extra time with the family.
Having the perfect family Christmas celebration seems as likely for many people as applying eye liner right the first time or walking barefoot through a kid’s room and not stepping on a Lego.
We’ve all tried different ways to peacefully enjoy the holidays with our extended family. From “Hey, I know, let’s just not talk about politics at all” to “Just let them open the presents now because I can’t take anymore crying”. Don’t even try pretending you’ve been struck mute and can only communicate through interpretive dance. That is impossible to sustain.
Look, there is nothing you can do to eliminate family drama from your parties. Take a deep breath, wade in, and remember Christmas only comes once a year.
Just because your day might be drama filled, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or find ways to make the day speed by even when tensions are high.
Here is a game you can play to pass the time:
Family Holiday Bingo
Keep this list with you and give yourself a check when the event happens or the words are spoken. Substitute names/relationship where appropriate. When you spell BINGO, then it’s time to go home and collect your prize. Which mostly, is the “going home” part.
- “You know why we had to have Christmas here. Little Steve can’t leave the house until his trial.”
- Uncle Bob shoves mistletoe down the front of his pants.
- Aunt Sally needs the plunger. Again.
- “Oh my, have you seen how much weight Kate has gained?”
- Cousin George announces he has decided to worship satan just after Grandpa says grace.
- “I don’t care what the facts are. I have a right to my opinion and you should respect it.”
- Nana announces that she could never love a homosexual, then every turns to stare at Susan and her “friend”.
- Everyone locks their valuables in their cars because cousin Eddie is on his way over.
- Sisters get in fist fight over nephew telling niece that santa isn’t real.
- Keith Urban wannabe cousin suggests Kararoke.
- Monopoly game goes awry
- Uncle Bob complains about the ham being dry
- “And what is this one’s daddy’s name?”
- Tara’s new boyfriend, Will, double dips.
- Aunt Tilly brings up the 1998 vegan Christmas fiasco.
- “Someone get the damn cats off the table.”
- Your adult cousins get into a fist fight over whether Elf or It’s a Wonderful Life is the best Christmas movie.
- Big Mum tells the family about the infection in her toes, then clears the rooms when she unwraps the bandage.
- “Could you please breastfeed in the toilet?”
- “Well, sue me for inviting your first wife. I thought it would be nice to have the whole family together.”
- “Go out to the shed and get the spare booze.”
- The fire department shows up.
- “I don’t care how hot it is. Put the Santa suit on. It’s for the kids.”
- “Aunt Suzy, your Christmas pudding is nasty.”
- Little Timmy sets the Christmas tree on fire.
Once you’ve checked something off for each letter, you win! Try to not shout “BINGO” because the family already thinks you are odd and there is no need to give them more ammunition. Besides, the game is over and it means it is time for you to go home and collect your prize.
What is the prize? You get to go home. The family party is behind you and it wasn’t as bad as you thought. There were a few fun moments. It’s always funny when Uncle Roy falls down the back steps.
Another holiday will be over soon. Hopefully, no one had to go to the hospital and everyone is still speaking to each other. Well, except Aunt Olive and Aunt Sylvia, but they haven’t spoken since the mid eighties, so that doesn’t count.
Sit back, have a drink, watch some trashy TV and bask in the knowledge that there are 364 days until the next round of Family Holiday Bingo.