A word from our coaches

Be intimate with yourself: The key to an amazing relationship


On this planet, we have so many judgments, conclusions and points of view about what a relationship is supposed to be. Almost all of us are searching for the perfect relationship, even if we pretend we are not.  Unfortunately, most of us are having very little success in this area without ever acknowledging it. I’d like that to change.

How much of your life have you spent searching for the amazing relationship? How well has that worked for you?  If you’re like most people, it has not worked out very well; no matter how hard you’ve tried.

Did you know that 90 percent of people would rather have a bad relationship than no relationship?

In this reality, you fit when you have a relationship. You benefit by people not thinking you’re a loser. When you have someone to have sex with, you win! Funny enough, it is irrelevant whether you are actually having sex or not . . .

My point of view is: if you want to have a relationship, you should have a great and phenomenal one!

What if we could change the whole paradigm of relationship to something that really works for all of us? What if it no longer had to be about control and jealousy and envy and rightness and wrongness and fitting in with everyone else?

What if it relationship could be about the gift we can be to—and for—each other?


(I know, this may seem weird at first, but if you try it, I think you’ll thank me later.)

Let me ask you question: “How much of you do you divorce your current or most recent relationship?”

What does divorcing you look like? It looks like not going jogging because your partner doesn’t do it. It also looks like cutting yourself off from your friends when you get into a relationship.  What if you didn’t have to do that anymore?

From my point of view, a true leader knows where they are going, and does not require that anyone else follow–ever. When somebody truly doesn’t divorce himself or herself, they can become a leader in the world, and their life.  If you have two people who are leaders in a relationship, it works out really well.  This is because they are both willing to allow the other person to be exactly as they are. They are not threatened or intimidated by it. Rather, they are inspired by it!

If you’d like to be inspired again in your relationships, stop divorcing you, stop requiring your partner to change, and be willing to have gratitude for them and you for being exactly as you both are now.


Let’s say you were going to give your partner a call—did you know before they answered the phone when they were angry? Or when they needed you to call?

You knew every single time. (Whether you are willing to admit it or not yet.) Don’t take my word for it. Just check it out in your own life and see.

How do you know these things? Because you’re psychic, which is a simple and fun way of saying you’re aware of those kinds of energies. You’ve been aware of the energies around you (for example, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of those you care about) your whole life.

98% of all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, traumas and dramas that you think are yours, actually don’t belong to you. I know it feels like they do, and yet it isn’t yours!  You’re just aware of it!

So, in order to get more clarity in your life and in your relationships, start asking this question: “Who does this belong to?” for every thought, feeling, emotion, judgment, trauma, drama, and intrigue you perceive.  If the emotion lightens up at all, it isn’t yours! Just return it to sender (even when you don’t know who that is) and ask: What is true for ME here?” and start finding out what’s true for you.


There is this little thing called INTIMACY— Intimacy is something that you can have with everybody, if you’re willing to. It’s a way of being where nothing is excluded, everything is included, and nothing is judged.

True intimacy has five elements: Honoring, Trust, Allowance, Vulnerability and Gratitude.

Strangely enough, if you were willing to be intimate with YOU, it would give you the choice to have it with anyone else in your life.

Please know, just because you are intimate with you, it doesn’t mean that you have to go off and be alone . . . On the contrary, what it does mean is that you can have truly caring people in your life that honor you and trust you, that are willing to be vulnerable (no barriers) with you, and have gratitude and allowance for you.

Some questions to get you started on this road toward intimacy with you:

  1. If I were totally honoring of my partner, and me, what would I choose differently today?
  2. If I had total trust in my partner and me how would I be differently today?
  3. How much more vulnerable can I be with my partner and myself today, and what would it take for that to show up now?
  4. What would total gratitude, for my partner, and myself every moment of every day, look like, feel like, taste like, and be like in my life and in my relationship?  And what would it take for that to start today?

I invite you to start asking these questions and playing with whatever of these practices are fun for you.  And then see if anything in your life changes. We’ve got a world to change people…and what if you, being you, (in relationship or out of relationship) are the gift, the change and the possibility this world requires?

Dain Heer

Dr. Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change. His latest book is 'Being You, Changing the World - Is Now the Time?'. For over 14 years Dain has been inviting people to embrace their true greatness.


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