According Hypnotist and Change Maker, Georgia Foster, there are two types of personalities that cause many women a lot of emotional grief and which can lead to some unhealthy drinking habits.
Women are often their own worst enemy, as they attempt to manage a demanding life that can leave them feeling exhausted, running themselves ragged pleasing the rest of the world.
It’s a feeling like ‘where am I in all of this?’ or ‘who looks after me?’
It may appear to be slightly martyrish, but the truth is, often women leave themselves last in list of their duties in life.
The domino effect is a drink or two to alleviate the pressures of meeting the needs of everyone else. Because the truth is, a Pleaser doesn’t care so much about the world around them when they drink.
They stop being the nurturer and see alcohol as way to nurture themselves first rather than everybody else. However, this is where alcohol dependency can occur, because the Pleaser sees alcohol as a way to escape the demands placed on them and the demands they place on themselves too. It becomes their little bit of heaven time amongst the craziness of their life.
When people drink alcohol, the critical part of the mind shuts down, which means we don’t care so much about the world around us. A lot of women without knowing it, are using a bottle of wine or large, free poured, home measured gin and tonics as their ‘me time’.
Although, there is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol, a Pleaser personality may become conditioned to using alcohol as way to shut the world out and feel it is their only resource to have down time in their busy lives.
The other issue that can be concerning about pleasers who like a drink or two, is that they can be poor communicators and use alcohol to have ‘those’ difficult conversations.
As a consequence, they tend to have many regrets the next day, worried about what they may have said or done the night before at that dinner party, or what was said in an inebriated state on the phone or via email.
This stirs anxiety, guilt and worry that they will be rejected because of their behaviour. Ironically, the pleaser may need to drink to calm themselves down and the vicious cycle of drinking to run away from these feelings becomes a habit.
Underpinning all of these feelings is low self-worth and a strong desire to be liked and loved!
Pleasers need to create opportunities to build a sense of natural sober confidence rather than reaching for the booze.
Many women expect a lot of themselves and would like the world around them to see them as someone who is good at managing every part of their lives. The goal of the Perfectionist personality is to look perfect to the outside world, so they will not be criticised or judged as being weak or a failure. The good news is, no one is a failure and no-one is perfect! However, the Perfectionist wants to be seen as a person that is reliable, successful and strong. Showing any sign of weakness makes them feel vulnerable.
However, it’s a pretty tall order to keep this façade up and not only that, it is exhausting trying to be perfect all of the time! And I often say it’s boring too!
A way a Perfectionist stops being such a high achiever is to drink alcohol very quickly and often lots of it!
Unlike the pleaser, who tends to drink heavily and habitually, the Perfectionist drinker is good at alcohol free days and feels proud that they are ‘in control. ’ However, when they do drink, they can become the ‘all or nothing drinker’.
At one end of the spectrum when they are not drinking, they are healthy, fit and on top of things, however, when they do drink, they go to the other end of the spectrum. They drink quick and with gusto and often have black outs and memory loss, and tend to be full of regrets and remorse and question themselves why they just can’t drink in a moderate way.
As a way to chastise themselves they vow not to drink for the entire next week or even many months following or whatever they need to prove that they don’t drink all of the time.
The issue behind the perfectionist drinker is that they exhaust themselves with the heavy expectations they place upon themselves, and one of the ways to run away from being a high achiever, is to drink to stop ‘busy brain syndrome’ and demands they make of themselves.
A mix of both Pleaser and Perfectionist
Many women are a mixture of both. It could be that there is a big drive to be the best at work, whereas, at home the Pleaser is more at play to meet the needs and expectations of family life.
Whether you resonate with one or both personalities, there is a way to please yourself without alcohol in your hand and more importantly it’s time to realise being perfect is not the best way to look after yourself emotionally.
It is about finding ways to perfect balance, so that you don’t need to drink to communicate or to take time out of your busy life.
Drink Less, Live More
Promotion for Balance members
Georgia is offering a special 25% reduction on her “Drink Less” program for readers of Balance. However, if you feel you’re not ready right now to commit to a program, you can try the first day free and discover how to manage your alcohol rather than it manage you!
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE DRINK LESS PROGRAM HERE